December

"The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that." – Woody Allen


And that's that, A.

Gaaahhhhh

I can't stand the marketing people. They talk too much, feed you up with slides, and won't stop blabbering even when you give them a fucking bored face at a meeting. And they will chase you down like a hunter, popping up at your office when you least expect it and say things like,"Yeah, I was in the neighborhood and I thought, why don't I pay you a visit?" 

You were in the neighborhood? Seriously, dude? And that makes it okay for you to come without any appointment whatsoever? Like I have nothing else to do but to welcoming you at my office. 

No, seriously. Is that a standard opening line for you guys or what? 'Cos I've heard that line coming from every marketing people I know to justify their presence. 

A little advice from me, guys. Next time, pick a new line. Be creative and stop fooling around. 

image from andertoons.com

Off You Go

I really hate it when my workmates walked up behind my cubicle and stretched their head over my shoulder to peer into my computer screen.  I mean, what if I was about to write some nasty things about them in my blog at that particular moment? It would really hurt our relationship if they found out, right?

Now, I seriously have no idea what turns me into such a beeyotch. 

Off you go, wicked-witch!

Maybe

So, I've finally found my next exit. I submitted my resignation letter yesterday and it was blithesome. Sure it drawn a mixed comments. My dear, dear friend Tia said, "PAAARTYYY!" While another friend replied, "Is it weird if I say 'hurray'? I really don't know what to say."

Most people asked me, "Why so sudden?" And I was like, "Well, I've been dreaming about it for months. So you do the math, sweetheart!"

Life is too short to be wasted away by doing things you don't like. So what I'm gonna do next is to find my true calling, my niche. Manipulating people is obviously not my strong suit. Maybe I'm destined to be a professional dreamer who sells dreams to people who can no longer dreaming. Or I can always join a traveling circus, pretending to be a sad sad clown.  

Maybe. 

image from guardian.co.uk

Then You Cracked A Smile

Dear A,

Isn't it funny how simple things can just stick like glue in your head for quite some time? Like the way you wore your white t-shirt and blue jeans that night, or the way you waved your hand in hesitation the second time we met. 

I can still remember the look on your face, a deep heavy voice, a few gray strands here and there, and those curious, confused slanted eyes. 

Then you cracked a smile.

And I chuckled.

Fare You Well

So it turns out that the rumor is true, eh, Elmo? You're leaving. I'm not gonna get to see you again. Well, I'm leaving too. Better jump out of the sinking ship before it's buried at the bottom of the ocean, no? But I hate the way you keep it secret given the fact that you often come to me for newspapers with your hello-apa-kabar phrase that drives me nuts. I think I'm gonna miss it tho. 

I think I'm gonna miss you.

Affair of The Heart

When married people having an affair, they show these little traits: they talk on the phone for hours and can't wipe that stupid smile off their face while they stare at computer screen, dark spot on the wall, or their toe caps. You know that he/she is having an affair because married people lost their sparks past their honeymoon phase. 

Well I'm not married nor in a serious relationship right now, I'm just a pessimist when it comes to marriage or monogamous relationship. I was in a long distance relationship once and I gave that up. I had this trust issue and couldn't cope with that. So I decided to give up what I once thought a true love. 

The funny thing is, I always considered my self as the faithful type until a friend of mine told me the opposite. 

"Hey, do you think I'm a faithful lover?" I rambled one night just before we fell asleep. "No, you're absolutely not," she laughed when I gaped aghast. 

"B-but... I've never cheated," I said defensively, trying in vain to save my dignity. "Yeah, there are many forms of infidelity. If it's not physical, then it's emotional. I don't know which category you fall into," she continued. In general, infidelity is a violation of trust. And there is no point in keeping the damaged one.

"So, why are we talking about this matter anyway?" you ask. 

Well, because, I was passing in front of this guy's office and I saw him blushing when he spoke on the phone with such soft voice. So I thought, okay, he must be talking to his mistress. >:)

Dude, Where's My Kue Pancong?

And what happens with my pageviews? It suddenly turns to zero. 

Anyway, let's have a serious talk about feelings here. It's been quite a while since I stop being melancholic. I was a queen of melancholy back then, who wrote forlorn poems and a pile of love letters that have never been sent. I was stuck in dreary routine of working, dreaming a little dream of you, and trying to sleep. But, oddly, I was content. Yes, I was sad and lonely and scared to death about the future. But at least I could still feel something even if it hurts. 

Emotions. Something that makes me human. I think I've lost them. Where do I seek for it again?

Okaaaayyyy

Now I feel like a cynical hellcat after posting it. Must be my premenstrual syndrome. Je suis désolée :(

Here's picture of me and my baby nephew: 

So This Is It

Don't I deserve someone better whom I can count on? Should I toil endlessly for something I don't even believe in and still also have to babysit this big baby? 

Why did you hire her as intern if she can't even do what I say correctly so that I have to fix it and rework it all over again? This is so goddamn frustrating.

Is this for real? Are we human? Or are we dancer?

Do I Look Like I'm Kidding?

Power outage! Greaaaattt... 

I'm trying to finish some works here, damn it!

And that woman who sits across my cubicle had just commented about my hair. "Girl, it such a messy bun!" she said.

Well you have a messy life, pumpkin. So fuck off and shut up already.

No, seriously. Take a good look at my face and tell me:

A Simple Life Lesson

"I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...Procrastinating and rationalizing." - Calvin

Something To Annoy You

I Think I Need A New Heart.

Okay, Alright, It's Not Alright

Just be my friend and friend only.

Dear Elmo

Why don't we go and have lunch together just like the old times? And then maybe you and I can go for a drink tonight.

Surrender

Always fancy this woman for her effortlessly chic style and now she sings too. Love it, Lou!

An Open Letter

Dear K, 
I have nothing against you, but if you don't want your topless pictures taken and rapidly published in several magazines, just wear a bathing suit whenever you go sunbathing. Or you can go to a deserted cove, get undressed, and bury your self in sand. 

Cheers,

Me

Oh I Almost Forgot

If you're not on my favorite people list and we rarely speak, do not expect me to recognize your voice when you're trying to reach me by phone without mentioning your name first. Do introduce your self before you burst into evil crazy laughter that bleeds my ears and makes me wondering whether or not you're having a psychotic break. 

Surely You Can't Be Serious

image from andertoons.com

People can be so annoying sometimes. Why they do what they do, I just don't get it. But, please, please, I'm begging you:

• Do not fucking text me nor call me late at night/early AM unless someone is dying or the world is ending. Not to mention that red text on BBM which all read was "PING!!!" Seriously people, what the hell is wrong with you?
• Do not monopolize the hand dryer in public toilets to dry your body/shirt while others are waiting in line to use it after you. Manner, people! Manner! It's called hand dryer for a reason. 
• Do not make others miserable because of your incompetence. You've got personal problems at home, do not bring it to work. Guess what, I've got problems too! Maybe it's not about a lousy spouse or a fussy baby, but still you don't see me bitching around about it.  
• Don't be a bitch.

Give Me Socks (I Got Cold Feet)

image from blog.myhappyenglish.com

You know what, I should have submitted a letter of resignation by last Monday. But I got cold feet. And now I'm still doing the same old routines here on my desk, doing the media monitoring thing, practicing my speed reading ability with fifteen different newspaper each day (tripled on Monday for I have to read Saturday's and Sunday's newspapers as well), writing press release, replying tons of email, sending clarification letters to media, translating press articles, answering the damn phone, arguing against my supervisor about trivial things, and so on.

Pheeew!

The strange thing is that I suddenly feel that I can still keep pace with my hectic schedules and such demanding Dementor for a little while more. Maybe just until November comes and then I'm gonna be out of here.

I don't know. It could work, I suppose. Just wait and see.

Kata Malam

salam, perempuan (yang pernah kusebut) kesayangan
apa kata malam?

- Sleepwalker

 

I think I miss you. How weird is that? Are you alright there, Sleepwalker? I sincerely hope you are.

And happy full moon to you too, my dear, dear friend.

(F)UNEMPLOYMENT

Hey, guess what? I don't care about that mid year performance review. I don't give a shit, so you'd better stop calling me lame. I'm leaving anyway. Why bother? I'm gonna have fun, enjoying life for a while. Dancing and drinking til I drunk.

Hey. 

Happiness Is Just Around The Corner

image from hannaharendtcenter.org

:(

Tonight's the Night

It's that time of year again, people. I'm going to celebrate Eid al-Fitr back in my home town with my family and catch up with some old fellas. But, first I need to catch my 7 PM flight and hopefully the traffic to airport won't be so bad. Otherwise, I'd have to kiss my airplane ticket goodbye. 

Haven't packed my suitcase yet, but, nah, it doesn't matter. Travel light, yes?

By the way, so far I've collected a box of chocolate, two jars of cookies, and two slices of cake as Eid greetings. Not bad, eh? Not bad at all. People could really be that nice sometimes, ho-ho-ho...

Alright then, wish me luck and happy holiday to y'all!! ^ ^

image from rsablogs.org.uk

I Want My Long Hair Back!

Kedai, some time ago.

Houston, We Have A Situation

image from savagechickens.com

So, there is this person who gave me a gift as my birthday present almost a month ago. The thing is, I've never liked this deadliest freaky creature in the human history so far so I'm like, "W-wha-aaat... you've got me a birthday p-p-present?? No kidding!" 

Dude, my own mother doesn't even remember my birthday. And now the first gift I've got for my 27th birthday comes from someone I despise most? Like, what the fudge?

Let's cut the crap in here. Why did you give me that present? 

Tell me. Why? 

WHY?

I don't like you and you're not really a fan of mine. We both know our feelings towards each other. So do explain. What's going on in here? Are you changing course? You don't stand a chance of winning my heart, mind you.

I can't even open that gift you gave me for I don't know how to feel about it. If I open it and I don't like it, I'm afraid that I'm gonna hate you more. If I open it and I like it, I'm gonna hate myself for easily fall prey to the little gimmick of yours. 

So, yeah, thank you very much for putting me in such an awry situation.

Baby, I've Got A Plan!

I've got an atlas in my hands

Run as fast as you can

 

image from jiveny.com

Yo, Smart-Ass!

image from bestofcalvinandhobbes.com

I'm seriously considering about giving up my smartphone right now. It's not like I'm trying to turn my self into a hard-core environmentalist or a health-conscious freak or anything here. The reason I want to ditch that overrated gadget is purely based on my contempt for the poor quality of social interaction caused by telecommunications technology.

I can't even have a proper face to face communication with another person in the presence of this devilish device, for God's sake! When you're engage in the middle of a conversation with someone, please don't shift away your focus into that little toy of yours. If you want to talk, let's talk. Don't make me do the crap while your mind is wandering elsewhere. 

If you're so keen to play with your BlackBerry or iPhone or whatever it is like I give a damn, don't even bother initiating a dialogue with me in the first place. Boy, you must think it's so cute to watch you getting busy with your hands while I'm trying to save our ass from awkward situation.

Do you know what I really really want to do with smartphones right now? 

To give it a good hard kick in its smart-ass!

Not Enough

For the sake of clarification: I'm not hating my job. I just don't love it enough to be able to enjoy it. I don't love it enough to wake my self up in the morning with a full spirit, nor to switch my voice to a happy tone every time I answer the phone call. I don't love it enough to deliberately give up my lazy hazy weekends for work. I just don't.  

But once again, I'm not hating it. I just can't find a way to fully love it. Not to mention the pressure I've got from crazy people in the office: the backstabbers, the tattlers, the fawners. You name it.

Oh-well. Who am I kidding anyway. I HATE MY JOB! I f*cking hate it and can't stop thinking about quitting in every second even when I'm asleep. I dream about it every night. I dream about running away and breaking my self free. Maybe I should just do it right away rather than whining in my blog, no?

Okay, now let's play one sweet love song for every one.

Not Today

What is it with Monday morning? The universe seems to conspire to make my life miserable. The power unexpectedly went out and then the water halted the very minute I woke up. Luckily, there's still some water left in a bucket, just enough for me to take a quick shower. 

The thing is, I haven't washed my hair for three days so it gets really greasy. But, if I washed my hair then I would have to tame it with blow dryer and flat iron, which impossible to do. Power outage, remember? Then I got this brilliant (or at least I thought) idea. I washed only my bangs so I could easily style it. But I was wrong and now my hair behaves like a b*tch. And I forgot to iron my shirt last night thus this morning I have to wear same wardrobe from last week.

So, yeah, I don't feel so smurfing happy today, you evil wizard. Well, what do you expect? I've got a weird hair and a stinky shirt, for smurf's sake!

Don't Shout at Me, Biatch!

image from offbeatfollies.blogspot.com

You, woman.

I don't know what's going on in that little grey cells of yours. But I tell you what, you can't just yell at people because you think you are superior to others, which in fact you are NOT. In my humble opinion, you should really really leave that biatchtitude behind before someone wrings your neck. I mean it, seriously.

And just take off your mask, show the world your true colors. It's no use, I know a hypocrite when I see one. 

That's It!

To put my BlackBerry on sale seems like a very smart move considering my boss always gives orders via BlackBerry Messenger. That way I would have a good excuse not to do what she told me to do, and then I might have a chance to put my social life back together again. HA!

image from cartoonstock.com

Happy People

Happy Monday, happy people!

Hup-hupp..

image from girlhack.blogspot.com

Help Me Save You

I don't mean to sound so rude, but sometimes people just overwhelm me. The way they push the conversation just to escape from silence, when silence is the only thing I want to hear sometimes. 

If I feel like talking, I talk. So help me save you from vanity.

There, I've said it. You can hate me now. 

image from andys-blog.com

I Miss You Every Sunday

Remember when we used to spend time together (almost) every weekend, doing nothing but to resting our sleepy head, having an intense conversation all night long, eating your cooking, drinking some coffee, watching DVD's or making inside jokes and sometimes crying? I miss those old days.

I miss every girls night in we had with our close friends, every surprise birthday party we threw, every tears and laughter we shared. I miss your stories.

I miss you every Sunday, dear friend, like the one I feel today.

Kota

Postcard Time Machine

I didn't aware people still sending postcard until I saw you holding a bunch of them loosely in your hands. You were playing with it as I made a serious attempt to speak. It's been a long time since we last spoke, or maybe I just imagine it. 

Yep, I miss the days when you used to come to me, talking the small talk and stuff and everything. I used to complain even feel bothered. But now I just miss those moments.

And, oh, how I envy whomever it is you sent those postcards to.

image from xkcd.com

Forgotten Future

image from cartoonstock.com

...tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther... (The Great Gatsby)

Twenty-six year old and disturbingly confused. That's what I am. When people reach their quarter-life you would think that they have finally found their purposes in life. They would know where to go, what to do or not to do and when.

That's why it feels so pitiful for I still have no clue on how to translate my dreams for the future. In fact, it's slowly forgotten. Eroded bit by bit until there is nothing that remains. 

O life, have a little mercy on us.

Is It My Job or Am I Getting Old?

I've been having memory problems lately. I forgot names, dates, people, the movie's title I watched three nights ago, stuff I've bought not so long time ago, things I need to do, words I shouldn't say and many many more. 

The irony is, there are things I really really need to forget but it sticks like glue in my head !@($)_$@)!!%$%_#^

So help me, God. Just help me, please.

In the mean time, let's celebrate life while we still can, ho-ho-ho-ho... Me and my partner in crime visited a nice little cafe in Kemang called Never Been Better recently. Here's some pictures we took.

the menu

the kitchen

ice sereh & ice coffee

agliolio pasta

free snack

nom-nommmm...

buuuurrpppp...

Dinda is busy chatting

me bored

The Next Exit

"Life is full of exits." (Paul Kemp, The Rum Diary)

So, where's our next exit, Elmo?

FLIPPED

One single wink. 

I've flipped.

It Didn't Last, But It Was Something

It's raining outside and I'm in the mood for some melancholic things. Then I suddenly remember this one particular song from David Gray. Love it so much. Enjoy everyone!

The Monster in Me

image from gogirlmagz.com

 

Truce, Elmo. We're good now. I'm no angry no more. We're good, boy, perfectly fine. 

Yes, Elmo

So, I call in sick today. I really am. This stupid allergic reaction recurrences. I don't know why, maybe I'm just plain stressed out. It always triggers this condition. 

And, yes, Elmo. My job is tiring me. And I hate people. Oh, I'm so full of hatred right now. I hate people when they're talking, laughing, joking, staring at me. And I hate you.

image from porhomme.com